Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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