You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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