I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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