i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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