i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
