my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
