explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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