roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
