You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
