we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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