her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
