and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So much rum. So many feels.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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