I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
