There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
