Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
