well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
