No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
