in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
