i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
