I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
