Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
