Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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