i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
