Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
