Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
