so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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