right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
