it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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