It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
