i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
