Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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