I think scott just propositioned me for sex
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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