His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
