why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
