So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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