If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
