Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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