he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think my moral compass just broke
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