Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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