remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
