I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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