so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
