I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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