dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
