I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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