i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
