i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
