please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
