I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
