so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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