There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
