There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
