I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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