Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
