I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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