if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
